


Hurt enough

by hybristophilica



Category: Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Incest, M/M, Mention of torture, More tags to be added, Nightmares, Pain, Past Abuse, Sibling Incest, Thorki - Freeform, Thunderfrost - Freeform, Torture, Violence, thanos - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-28 09:46:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13901424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hybristophilica/pseuds/hybristophilica
Summary: Short independent chapters about Loki Laufeyson, some about his love life with his big brother, some about his past.





	1. Nightmare #1

He was sweating in his bed, pale hands were gripping the sophisticated sheets of the bed, the veins on the back of them pumping hot blood. The god of mischief was whining, softly at first.

He was seeing himself. It wasn't anything new. This time he was tied to a wall by thick and large handcuffs at his wrists and chains at his feet, and he couldn't escape. There wasn’t ever a way to escape. He knew what was about to happen, and probably who would cause it aswell, but it was nonetheless scary.  
Loud and clear steps approached his quivering body, and a blue hand grabbed the long back hair of the god. “Loki.” The voice of the frost giant was as cold as his hand, and it made the shorter man shiver in anticipation, and in fear. The torturer didn’t say anything after his name, but he grabbed a whip, and his red eyes met the green terrified ones. 

Loki knew it wasn’t real. He knew that he was going to awake when the whip would hit him, but there wasn’t anything he could do. It was that kind of fear you could do nothing about, the irrational one, almost a phobia, ingrained and settled in his mind since long time ago. And Loki hated himself for being so weak, for being unable to fight it, to fight /them/. 

The blue creature raised his hand in the air, and Loki closed his eyes tight, waiting those that seemed infinite seconds. But nothing happened. -That- was new. He waited a little longer, and decided to slowly open his eyes again to see why anything wasn't happening yet. What he saw made him freeze. Where the frost giant had been moments ago, now there was Thor, standing in front of him, his hand raised up like the Frost giant’s before, still holding the whip. He was dressed like Loki was used to see him decades ago, with the red cloak falling from his shoulders and the silver armor shining on his chest, royal.  
Loki didn't have the chance to say something or ask, that the whip was flying down against his exposed face and chest, hitting him with a hiss, and making him bleed and cry out in pain.

He woke up gasping, sitting up, trying to get some hair in his lungs because the burn on his chest seemed real, so real, so real.  
It wasn't real, it wasn't real. Thor. 

 

Nothing could be done to help him in moments like this. He always needed some time to realize that he was safe, he was alive in his bed, and nothing could hurt him there. The black haired god rubbed his hand on his face, taking slow breaths to calm down and erase the nightmare of his brother torturing him from his mind.

It took some minutes, in which he just stared at the wall, and when he finally turned around to glance at the empty side of the bed, a sigh left his lips.  
It’s not like he wished that Thor was there. But everything was so much easier with him.  
Loki wondered where he could be in that moment. He was nostalgic, and brought his legs on his chest, while the black cat that had been staring at him with a curious look on his muzzle decided to jump on the bed and sit between his legs, and the god found himself thinking about his lover, his ex lover, once again.

Loki and Thor didn't break up. It wasn't a break up. But Loki was problematic, in need of too many attentions that Thor wasn't willing to give. So the best option had seemed to take a break from each other, sort their priorities out, and if things couldn't work then goodbye. But for how much the god of mischief wanted to deny it, he didn't want to be apart from Thor. Because Thor made him better, made him like himself better than when he was alone.


	2. Trapped in his own mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after The Avengers.

Of course Thor didn’t notice anything, as planned. This was the first thought that crossed the trickster’s mind once he was locked in the asgardian prison.  
His defeat on Midgard was only a temporary delay of the creation of his kingdom.   
Thanos…ah, Thanos could wait. Loki knew this creature wasn't somebody to be undervalued, and who ever would. The punished god wasn't so stupid to think of his enemies less of they what truly were. His sense of survival was primal, animalistic, something only a god that had been through much could have. No, no, he wouldn't underestimate him, he would only defer their meeting.  
But Thanos had been smart enough not to let him have his way the way Loki wanted. He wouldn't have to face him any soon, but it didn't mean that the alien couldn't reach him in other ways. The voices in Loki’s head and his visions didn't stop torturing him, not even when he was back in Asgard.   
Naive, he hoped that Thanos’ powers would be weakened by the travel from planet to planet? The visions were common, but the voices talking inside of his head were constant. They never left him alone, they kept on reminding him how sweet this pain was, compared to what he would have to go through when Thanos would finally have what he wanted, and didn't need Loki anymore. 

A part of him was trying to convince the other that it could not be true, that Thanos didn't have that power, but the other one knew it was all real. The hallucinations the voices sent him were suggesting all possible endings of his life, where he could been killed, more or less slowly, tortured, hurt to the point where he himself was asking for the sweet release of death.   
Loki was aware of that risk, and he was ready to take it, if it meant that even one of the possibilities was that he came out of it alive, as a winner, a leader, a ruler. That possibility was somewhere, hidden behind betrayals, traps and crimes he was ready to commit.  
But once again, the child inside of him was dying a little more. The old love he felt for his brother was killing him, and Thor aswell. The look of disappointment he had seen in his brother’s blue eyes when they were fighting on the Stark tower had re-opened the deep wound that was slowly ripping his heart apart. Thor would always choose him. And Loki would always disappoint him. There had been a time when Loki would have used this to his own advantage. Thor was so naive, he had the heart of a kid, always ready to help him no matter how hurt he would be after everything was done. Wasn't it the same this time? Loki was the caged one, a criminal in the king’s prisons, but he had known it would happen, it was another one of the several destinies he knew he could possibly face. But Thor would have wanted it differently. He did not come to visit, not once yet. Loki knew why. His own imprisonment had hurt his sentimental brother, how sweet, and selfish, as if Thor had the right to be hurt about this matter at all.  
Loki did not understand why he was still so stubborn after all the years that passed. He had lied, betrayed his family, he wished to destroy an entire race and to conquer a world, and even if so, Thor did not give up. But it wasn't Loki’s problem anymore.   
In his youth, he did want to hurt his brother. He wanted to see him fall, fail, even die. But not anymore. Something had clicked inside of him after his mind had been taken control of, and he had learned more about himself and his brother. He would keep hurting Thor, but not willingly. It was only part of the price he’d have to pay.  
The greatest project of his divine existence was still far away from becoming real, and the god of mischief was starting to lack of patience, and mental stability. He didn't know for how long he would be able to keep the voices under control in his mind, and trying not to let him be affected by the visions wasn't easy.  
For now, he was trapped in his own mind.


End file.
